Take the internet back, I can’t deal with the stupid assholes
I know I’m breaking precedent by not waiting a full month between posts, but I have some fresh animosity I’d like to disperse amongst my two readers. Hi Mom, hi Dad.
Recently I’ve started playing Hearts on Yahoo! Games. It serves as a nice little intermission between studying these last few weeks of class. That, and when I win it makes me feel slightly stronger, when I then immediately use up punching people smaller than me.
Usually it’s pretty fun, because I’ve always liked Hearts since I read Stephen King’s Hearts In Atlantis, of which in one story the game is heavily featured. Unfortunately, people on the internet—especially the ones who are addicted to it, can be idiots, and nowhere does it really show than in public forums, like message boards or chat rooms.
This is going to get funny real quick, ‘cause I’m starting to bore myself.
While playing any game, Yahoo! had the retarded idea of adding a small chat room at the bottom of the window. Great, no sore losers can have a place to be themselves. As if giving everyone a place to complain weren’t bad enough, throw in competition so they have something to whine about right off the bat.
Side note: I believe in free speech, but I don’t think everyone is entitled to it. I mean, they can say whatever they like, but that doesn’t mean I have to listen. Having a chat room at the bottom of the screen is not a good idea for this reason. Hearts is a fast-paced game, and I assume most of the other games on Yahoo are too. That means there probably isn’t time for lively discussion (some may define ‘lively’ as meaning ‘foul-mouthed idiocy’). When someone says something, I can’t help but read it, the appearance of text catches my eye, as it does everyone else’s. So rather than belabor the point before actually stating it, this was my experience today.
The game was going fine, when the anonymous but character-revealing person named blabberjones, who for all intents and purposes we’ll call batshit, made this astute observation:
batshit: asksammy2003 is a chickenshit
asksammy2003: for what exactly?
batshit: for not covering your passes, dipshit
At this point, I was glad we knew each other by ***shit names.
asksammy2003: what does that mean exactly? im in the beginner room for a reason
batshit: it means youre a fucking faggot bitch
It became clear that I need to step it up a level intellectually, because shitbat was obviously a high caliber human being, who has every right to be alive, and that will really leave the world in a better place than he found it.
asksammy2003: nice, im touched
got-a-bat-in-my-arse: lick it up, douche (though I’m almost certain he misspelled it—this is from memory, not a transcript)
The conversation proceeded as such, so I no longer felt the need to even acknowledge raisedbybats’s comments, save one. It came when one of the other player’s was attempting to explain what “covering your passes” means to me. Apparently, echo-location-cant-save-my-sorry-ass expected me to be born with this knowledge, and said something to the effect of “forget it, he’s a god damned retard” before the other player even finished his explanation.
I felt it was necessary to save my piece and then just finish the game, saving personal ridicule for the end. I said something along the lines of “Hey not-even-george-clooney-would-hang-out-with-me-hint-i-made-the-worst-batman-movie, Question: Am I in Advanced, or even Intermediate? No, I’m in beginner. And wouldn’t I be an idiot if I wasn’t even trying to learn what I’m doing” which got the expected response of “fuck you,” the universal phrase for “I don’t have anything to say to counter that.”
Once the game was over (by the way, I beat running-out-of-bat-references and only lost by one point—looks he got beat by a god damned retard), I decided to strike a little closer to home, not because he got under my skin, but because people like that—who feed on negativity and lash out at everyone as long as it’s anonymous—need to be put in their place every now and then. I sent him a private message, which was themed similar to:
Hey, I understand why you get so upset. It’s okay. Yahoo! Games is all you have, and anybody that attacks you with irrefutable points really gets your goat. You don’t know what to do but spit out brainless obscenities, because you’re an elitist, and when you’re left with nothing to say, you realize you look like a fool, and a childish one at that.
I then closed with the line that always hurts when true:
You need to go out and get laid, so you can release some of that pent-up frustration. Oh, and try to come up with something a bit more clever than “fuck off homo.”
He then promptly disappeared.
My goal isn’t to hurt this guys feelings, it was pretty obvious he already knows what a turd he is. It just irks me to no end when I observe something so disappointing as the development of a person gone wrong. I suppose it’s possible he’s actually a great person, but has this hideous alter-ago when he sits behind a computer. However, I think it’s more likely that he sits in his underwear in his mom’s basement, hoping that ridiculing someone for no particular reason (before you say “hypocrite!,” I have a reason—hopefully giving this guy a much-needed look in the mirror) will inflate his ego a bit further, to where he can temporarily fill the void of meaning in his life.
And to be fair, I’m emailing blabberjones a link to this (one benefit of being on Yahoo!—tack “@yahoo.com” to their name and you have their email address) so that he has the chance to retaliate with meaningful comments. If he makes even one intelligent remark, I’ll concede and apologize for going as far as I have.
Are you up to the challenge?
Recently I’ve started playing Hearts on Yahoo! Games. It serves as a nice little intermission between studying these last few weeks of class. That, and when I win it makes me feel slightly stronger, when I then immediately use up punching people smaller than me.
Usually it’s pretty fun, because I’ve always liked Hearts since I read Stephen King’s Hearts In Atlantis, of which in one story the game is heavily featured. Unfortunately, people on the internet—especially the ones who are addicted to it, can be idiots, and nowhere does it really show than in public forums, like message boards or chat rooms.
This is going to get funny real quick, ‘cause I’m starting to bore myself.
While playing any game, Yahoo! had the retarded idea of adding a small chat room at the bottom of the window. Great, no sore losers can have a place to be themselves. As if giving everyone a place to complain weren’t bad enough, throw in competition so they have something to whine about right off the bat.
Side note: I believe in free speech, but I don’t think everyone is entitled to it. I mean, they can say whatever they like, but that doesn’t mean I have to listen. Having a chat room at the bottom of the screen is not a good idea for this reason. Hearts is a fast-paced game, and I assume most of the other games on Yahoo are too. That means there probably isn’t time for lively discussion (some may define ‘lively’ as meaning ‘foul-mouthed idiocy’). When someone says something, I can’t help but read it, the appearance of text catches my eye, as it does everyone else’s. So rather than belabor the point before actually stating it, this was my experience today.
The game was going fine, when the anonymous but character-revealing person named blabberjones, who for all intents and purposes we’ll call batshit, made this astute observation:
batshit: asksammy2003 is a chickenshit
asksammy2003: for what exactly?
batshit: for not covering your passes, dipshit
At this point, I was glad we knew each other by ***shit names.
asksammy2003: what does that mean exactly? im in the beginner room for a reason
batshit: it means youre a fucking faggot bitch
It became clear that I need to step it up a level intellectually, because shitbat was obviously a high caliber human being, who has every right to be alive, and that will really leave the world in a better place than he found it.
asksammy2003: nice, im touched
got-a-bat-in-my-arse: lick it up, douche (though I’m almost certain he misspelled it—this is from memory, not a transcript)
The conversation proceeded as such, so I no longer felt the need to even acknowledge raisedbybats’s comments, save one. It came when one of the other player’s was attempting to explain what “covering your passes” means to me. Apparently, echo-location-cant-save-my-sorry-ass expected me to be born with this knowledge, and said something to the effect of “forget it, he’s a god damned retard” before the other player even finished his explanation.
I felt it was necessary to save my piece and then just finish the game, saving personal ridicule for the end. I said something along the lines of “Hey not-even-george-clooney-would-hang-out-with-me-hint-i-made-the-worst-batman-movie, Question: Am I in Advanced, or even Intermediate? No, I’m in beginner. And wouldn’t I be an idiot if I wasn’t even trying to learn what I’m doing” which got the expected response of “fuck you,” the universal phrase for “I don’t have anything to say to counter that.”
Once the game was over (by the way, I beat running-out-of-bat-references and only lost by one point—looks he got beat by a god damned retard), I decided to strike a little closer to home, not because he got under my skin, but because people like that—who feed on negativity and lash out at everyone as long as it’s anonymous—need to be put in their place every now and then. I sent him a private message, which was themed similar to:
Hey, I understand why you get so upset. It’s okay. Yahoo! Games is all you have, and anybody that attacks you with irrefutable points really gets your goat. You don’t know what to do but spit out brainless obscenities, because you’re an elitist, and when you’re left with nothing to say, you realize you look like a fool, and a childish one at that.
I then closed with the line that always hurts when true:
You need to go out and get laid, so you can release some of that pent-up frustration. Oh, and try to come up with something a bit more clever than “fuck off homo.”
He then promptly disappeared.
My goal isn’t to hurt this guys feelings, it was pretty obvious he already knows what a turd he is. It just irks me to no end when I observe something so disappointing as the development of a person gone wrong. I suppose it’s possible he’s actually a great person, but has this hideous alter-ago when he sits behind a computer. However, I think it’s more likely that he sits in his underwear in his mom’s basement, hoping that ridiculing someone for no particular reason (before you say “hypocrite!,” I have a reason—hopefully giving this guy a much-needed look in the mirror) will inflate his ego a bit further, to where he can temporarily fill the void of meaning in his life.
And to be fair, I’m emailing blabberjones a link to this (one benefit of being on Yahoo!—tack “@yahoo.com” to their name and you have their email address) so that he has the chance to retaliate with meaningful comments. If he makes even one intelligent remark, I’ll concede and apologize for going as far as I have.
Are you up to the challenge?
posted by Ryan Duval | 2:53 PM
2 Comments:
Hey. I happened to stumble upon your blog while doing a Yahoo search on Peanut M&M's. Oh, the peanuty goodness.. Ahem. Anyway.. I must say this post of yours was quite entertaining, and very awesomely put. Roarness. - Stef
A most excellent blog entry. I too run across the night time bug eating cave dwellers and it really is a pain in the neck. I wish that yahoo could put a stop to it somehow, but that would cost money.
Post a Comment
<< Home