Don't let her get away! Order Now!
While sifting through my email, I came across one labeled “Meet Singles With Christian Principles.” I can only imagine the personality profile you have to fill out for that…
And this is the ad that was in the email:
Now, I realize that the nature of this blog would lead one to believe that this is a doctored--or perhaps entirely fictitous--image, but I assure you that it is not my creation. In fact, I am a fan of it. I am, however, a little disappointed that they didn’t present the ad they originally came up with, which had a decidely different theme:
The next email came from my friend Amanda, who among other things, informed me of a product known as forget-me-not panties. Again, I did not make this up; this is a real product, whose site can be found at:
http://forgetmenotpanties.contagiousmedia.org/index.html.
I urge you to take a look at it before proceeding.
The main page begins:
I can’t say “protect her privates” is the best header I’ve ever seen. Kind of makes me think they’re in danger, like maybe there’s a bear trap in there she doesn’t know about. And frankly, it seems a little odd to me to be worried about your wife cheating on you when your girlfriend’s temperature is rising. I mean, the girl may have a fever for crying out loud!
The best part though, is that she will never even know it’s there! Unless, of course, the product is actually successful and she recognizes the company’s flower logo on the panties you keep buying for her.
The about page seems to imply that by protecting a woman, we assume it’s something they want to be protected from. If your wife/mistress is cheating on you or your daughter is getting hot and heavy with Todd from the yearbook club, chances are she doesn’t want your crazy ass finding out about it. What they won’t be able to protect her from is the severe beating which will likely follow when her paranoid and insecure boyfriend/dad finds out she’s been banging the guy who cuts the hedges.
There’s only one thing notable on the “sensatech system” page, which is the link to order:
That’s right: by catching her in the act of cheating, you will undoubtedly win her heart back. Nothing says “Let’s work it out” like yelling Why did your vagina suddenly become 3 degrees warmer when you were ‘out shopping with Rita’!? I’m sure things like tricking her into wearing a GPS has nothing to do with why she wants to be with someone else.
The most disgusting of all is the testimonials page.
There’s so much material here I had a little kid on crystal meth write the following:
First, doesn’t it say something about the mindset of David now that he’s noticing his daugher starting to look like a woman? I’m not sure I would have included that particular piece of information in my testimonial of a ‘typical’ customer.
Second, calm down David! If you were physically there snooping on her, that’s one thing, but there’s absolutely nothing over-protective about monitoring somebody’s location without their consent. Little Sarah will never know what’s going on when you happen to call her everytime she’s about to get busy or randomly show up at the guy’s house she didn’t tell you she was going to be at.
Calling her is a better idea though. I know everytime I’m about to ‘toast the bagel’ and someone calls, I always stop, answer the phone, and then promptly put my clothes back on and go home immediaely. What exactly is the ideal situation there if she does answer? If Sarah doesn’t know she’s being illegally spied on, something tells me she’s going to lie to Pop. What then, call her out?
Sarah: Hey Dad, what’s up!?
Dad: Where are you honey…what are you doing?
Sarah: Um, just hanging out with Stacey and Moses. We’re at Applebee’s having a sundae. Yum!
Dad: That’s funny. Tell me why I’m seeing Todd’s penis on the screen then…
Oops, getting ahead of myself. Dear old Dad must have got his wish with the second version of forget-me-not panties and its embedded video camera. I was going to go easy on Dad for checking out his daugher, but this is just too much. Really, what are the advantages of being able to see things from the point of view of your daughter’s underwear?
And this is the ad that was in the email:
Now, I realize that the nature of this blog would lead one to believe that this is a doctored--or perhaps entirely fictitous--image, but I assure you that it is not my creation. In fact, I am a fan of it. I am, however, a little disappointed that they didn’t present the ad they originally came up with, which had a decidely different theme:
The next email came from my friend Amanda, who among other things, informed me of a product known as forget-me-not panties. Again, I did not make this up; this is a real product, whose site can be found at:
http://forgetmenotpanties.contagiousmedia.org/index.html.
I urge you to take a look at it before proceeding.
The main page begins:
protect her privates
Ever worry about your wife cheating?
Want to know where your daughter is late at night?
Need to know when your girlfriend's temperature is rising?
This amazing device will answer all of your questions! These panties can give you her location, and even her temperature and heart rate, and she will never even know it's there! Unlike the cumbersome and uncomfortable chastity belts of the past, these panties are 100% cotton, and use cutting-edge technology to help you protect what matters most.
Ever worry about your wife cheating?
Want to know where your daughter is late at night?
Need to know when your girlfriend's temperature is rising?
This amazing device will answer all of your questions! These panties can give you her location, and even her temperature and heart rate, and she will never even know it's there! Unlike the cumbersome and uncomfortable chastity belts of the past, these panties are 100% cotton, and use cutting-edge technology to help you protect what matters most.
I can’t say “protect her privates” is the best header I’ve ever seen. Kind of makes me think they’re in danger, like maybe there’s a bear trap in there she doesn’t know about. And frankly, it seems a little odd to me to be worried about your wife cheating on you when your girlfriend’s temperature is rising. I mean, the girl may have a fever for crying out loud!
The best part though, is that she will never even know it’s there! Unless, of course, the product is actually successful and she recognizes the company’s flower logo on the panties you keep buying for her.
forget-me-not panties will help protect the women in your life!
The about page seems to imply that by protecting a woman, we assume it’s something they want to be protected from. If your wife/mistress is cheating on you or your daughter is getting hot and heavy with Todd from the yearbook club, chances are she doesn’t want your crazy ass finding out about it. What they won’t be able to protect her from is the severe beating which will likely follow when her paranoid and insecure boyfriend/dad finds out she’s been banging the guy who cuts the hedges.
There’s only one thing notable on the “sensatech system” page, which is the link to order:
Don't let her get away! Order Now!
That’s right: by catching her in the act of cheating, you will undoubtedly win her heart back. Nothing says “Let’s work it out” like yelling Why did your vagina suddenly become 3 degrees warmer when you were ‘out shopping with Rita’!? I’m sure things like tricking her into wearing a GPS has nothing to do with why she wants to be with someone else.
The most disgusting of all is the testimonials page.
david:
When my daughter hit puberty I nearly had a heart attack. She started looking like a woman and suddenly she was wearing revealing clothing and staying out late with her friends.
Rather than become an over-protective parent, I decided to try forget-me-not panties™.
They work wonderfully. My wife and I bought our Sarah several pairs so we can watch her around the clock, and if we see her temperature rising too high, we intervene by calling her cellphone or just picking her up wherever she is. My only comment is it would be great to have a video camera, maybe you can work that into V.2.
Thanks forget-me-not panties™, now we have true peace of mind.
When my daughter hit puberty I nearly had a heart attack. She started looking like a woman and suddenly she was wearing revealing clothing and staying out late with her friends.
Rather than become an over-protective parent, I decided to try forget-me-not panties™.
They work wonderfully. My wife and I bought our Sarah several pairs so we can watch her around the clock, and if we see her temperature rising too high, we intervene by calling her cellphone or just picking her up wherever she is. My only comment is it would be great to have a video camera, maybe you can work that into V.2.
Thanks forget-me-not panties™, now we have true peace of mind.
There’s so much material here I had a little kid on crystal meth write the following:
First, doesn’t it say something about the mindset of David now that he’s noticing his daugher starting to look like a woman? I’m not sure I would have included that particular piece of information in my testimonial of a ‘typical’ customer.
Second, calm down David! If you were physically there snooping on her, that’s one thing, but there’s absolutely nothing over-protective about monitoring somebody’s location without their consent. Little Sarah will never know what’s going on when you happen to call her everytime she’s about to get busy or randomly show up at the guy’s house she didn’t tell you she was going to be at.
Calling her is a better idea though. I know everytime I’m about to ‘toast the bagel’ and someone calls, I always stop, answer the phone, and then promptly put my clothes back on and go home immediaely. What exactly is the ideal situation there if she does answer? If Sarah doesn’t know she’s being illegally spied on, something tells me she’s going to lie to Pop. What then, call her out?
Sarah: Hey Dad, what’s up!?
Dad: Where are you honey…what are you doing?
Sarah: Um, just hanging out with Stacey and Moses. We’re at Applebee’s having a sundae. Yum!
Dad: That’s funny. Tell me why I’m seeing Todd’s penis on the screen then…
Oops, getting ahead of myself. Dear old Dad must have got his wish with the second version of forget-me-not panties and its embedded video camera. I was going to go easy on Dad for checking out his daugher, but this is just too much. Really, what are the advantages of being able to see things from the point of view of your daughter’s underwear?
posted by Ryan Duval | 4:28 AM
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3 comments
